It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was like eating out sand paper
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
