Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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