I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
