We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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