After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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