This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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