I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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