My pussy is not your playground.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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