I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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