Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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