I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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