Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
