apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
