Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
