Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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