We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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