well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
