It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
