cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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