Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
