The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
