I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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