shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
