I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
