ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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