She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
