She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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