Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
