if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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