So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
