i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
