im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
