My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Plan B is the new Plan A
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
