I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize