brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize