walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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