you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
