let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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