____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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