i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag