Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang