bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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