I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
