There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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