I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
