I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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