U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
