Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
