you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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