Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
