why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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