I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
