he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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