is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
