I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
