apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
